Chapter 19

His Brothers had finally left and Taylor went into the bedroom area. He looked at himself in the mirror only to find the beginning signs of a skeleton staring back. There was no more warmth in his eyes, just pure pain and suffering. He turned away, feeling his eyes begin to well with tears. He just couldn't handle it anymore. It was unfair, totally unfair. The one person that he truly felt understood him had been ripped away. He had finally thought that he could be happy, not only with her, but also with himself. He didn't think of starving himself or doing anything destructive when he was around her. He just felt peace and happiness…and love.
He shook his head, attempting to regain a sense of composure. Just as he was about to lie down, the phone rang. Taylor looked over at it, wondering if he really should answer. He picked it up slowly.
"Taylor." Taylor didn't recognize the voice.
"Who is this?" He asked.
"It's Holly." She seemed angry or upset.
"I need to speak with you."
"You are on the phone." He said sarcastically.
"Don't be sarcastic with me. I'll get to the point…no one can find Amanda, we've looked everywhere. She called me up last night crying, saying she felt guilty for what happened to Phyl, and she kept saying she knew you blamed her too…"
"What's your point." Taylor said angrily, not wanting to be reminded of the incident.
"Do you even give a shit!" She yelled.
"I…" Taylor wasn't expecting her reaction. She didn't seem like the person that would get angry that easily.
"What Taylor!" Holly yelled again.
"I'll help you look for her…"
"You do that!" She said angrily and hung up. Taylor sat there in a daze for a couple minutes. He didn't want to face Amanda, it just made him think about his loss even more but he knew that he couldn't just be that cruel and heartless.
He got up off the bed and glanced at the clock, seeing that it was already eight at night. The only place he could think of other than the cemetery, was the club that they went to the first time Phyllis introduced him to Holly. He grabbed himself a shirt and slipped on his shoes. He picked up his wallet and his keys. Just as he was at the door, he figured he would write a note in case any of them went into his room again.

Taylor pulled into the club's parking lot and got out. He got in the club and searched around although it was hard to see considering the main light source was near the bar or was the strobe lights on the dance floor. He walked over to the bar and got himself a soda. He didn't even bother to take a sip when he heard Amanda's voice across from him.
"I told you I didn't want to dance." She said angrily to a young guy. He looked almost ashamed he made an attempt and walked away. Taylor noticed her grab her drink and downed it. Taylor looked around cautiously and waked over.
"Uh…hi…" He said.
"I just told you…" Amanda began to say until she looked up. She locked eyes with him then lowered her head in sadness.
"What are you doing here?" She said in almost a whisper.
"Holly called me…saying that no one could find you…"
"I don't care. Did you feel guilty or something!" She said angrily. Taylor could tell she was drunk.
"Give me anther!" She yelled over Taylor's head to the bartender and signaling her empty glass.
"Maybe you should stop…" Taylor said, grabbing her by the wrist.
"Maybe you should leave New York and go back to your pop star live." She said, gritting her teeth as she wrenched her arm away. Taylor looked around awkwardly.
"Manda, everyone's worried about you…"
"Do you really think I give a fuck!" She said, clenching her hands into fists. Taylor sighed.
"You know…I didn't even want to come here…" He said as he started to clench his teeth furiously.
"It's not like I wanted you to come here either!" She spat.
"I have you know Taylor Hanson, every time someone mentions her name, I feel so guilty. I relive the accident constantly, and you don't help matters. You have no idea how guilty I truly feel." She said, not unlocking her frozen stare.
"Now just leave alone." She said as the waitress came over and handed her another drink. Taylor got up from his seat in anger and pushed his seat so hard into the table, it knocked her arm, causing her to spill some of her drink on the floor. She looked up at him in surprise.
"I do know how you feel. I loved her damn it! I still love her! If I hadn't of left her, it would've never fuckin' happened. You know, I hope you enjoy drinking yourself into oblivion because soon, the rest of your friends are gong to be attending YOUR funeral!" He yelled, breathing hard, as he didn't even take a break for air.
"Speak for yourself! At least I'm not anorexic!" She screamed back as she stood up, knocking over her chair. Taylor glared at her.
"Have a nice after live." He said seething and turned on his heel, leaving her.
"SAME TO YOU!" She screamed back.
Taylor ran out to his car, getting in and slamming the door hard. Suddenly, he burst out into tears, banging his head against the steering wheel pathetically. All he could think about was the last time he saw Phyllis alive. He missed her so much. He quickly wiped his eyes and started the car, heading back to the hotel.

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