Chapter 18

Taylor stood there, clad in his black suit and tie, gripping one single white rose in his hand so tightly, he didn't even notice one of the thorns was piercing his flesh. He felt numb. Like any and every feeling in his body had faltered. He stared down at the casket, gripping the rose, trying to hold back his choking sobs. His brothers had asked if he wanted them to accompany him but he refused. He said he had to go alone. Across from him, Amanda and Holly stood, heads lowered in sadness. He thought, almost at one moment, that a pain was enveloping his heart. He couldn't see anything, his eyes were flooded with tears, blurring his vision.

They finished and everyone left, leaving Taylor to stand there by himself. He walked, almost floated to the casket and placed the rose gently on the lid. He placed his thin hand on the lid, wishing it were she instead. He hadn't eaten since the accident. He refused. He didn't feel weak, he just felt angry. It was an anger that would live within him forever. Without another thought, he collapsed to the ground, sobbing so hard it felt like he didn't have any more tears to cry. It seemed that was all he ever did, he just cried. He didn't sleep which was apparent by his face.

"Taylor?" Taylor raised his head and glanced at the figure above him. It was Amanda. Her face was tear stained and he could see her trembling slightly.
"What?" He said, choking back another racking sob.
"I…I…" She stammered. Taylor stared at hr coldly and turned his head away.
"I'm sorry." She finally managed to say and then ran off, crying into her hands. Taylor sighed and dropped his shoulders even more. Suddenly, the sky turned dark and it began to rain. It was a very cold rain, which seemed awfully strange considering it was summer. Taylor shivered under his suit jacket as the rain matted his hair to his forehead, dripping into his eyes.
"I didn't want to lose you…I loved you…" Taylor cried, letting his tears mix with the falling rain.
"I still love you."

Taylor sighed and stood up, brushing off his already soaked suit. He trudged to his car, letting the already soaked ground, mud up the cuffs of his pants. He finally opened the door and sat down in his seat behind the wheel, slumping in his seat, resting his head back and began to sob again, squeezing his eyes shut. He silenced his crying and turned on the car, turning the wheel to make his way back to his hotel room to resume living his life.

Taylor walked into his room silently and took off his suit jacket, throwing it on a near by chair. He loosened his tie and stopped, just standing there, thinking. He till felt numb, like any feeling he had ever had, had vanished. He shook his head and walked into the bedroom and began to get undressed.
*Knock Knock*
He looked up as he pulled up a pair of jeans and buttoned them. He didn't even have a chance to get his shirt on. He walked to the front entrance and opened the door a crack. He sighed when he saw Zac standing there. Zac gave him a small smile. Taylor didn't say anything, he just opened the door to let his brother in.
"T-Taylor?" Zac stuttered as he began to wring his hands. Taylor didn't answer, he just reached into the mini-fridge for a bottle of water.
"I…I just wanted…I just wanted to say…"
"SPIT IT OUT!" Taylor said angrily as he turned his face and stared at Zac coldly. His stare was deadly, as it almost seemed to pierce Zac's soul. Zac swallowed hard, and narrowed his eyes at his older brother. Taylor clenched his teeth and turned his head away.
"I'm sorry." Zac finally said.
"Get out!" Taylor demanded. It was like he didn't even hear Zac.
"JUST GET OUT!" HE yelled again. Zac took a deep breath. He had to be the strong one at that point. He walked over cautiously, placing his hand on Taylor's shoulder. Taylor spun around, mouth open and ready to spit fire. But he couldn't, he didn't have time as Zac wrapped his arms around him in an embrace. Taylor couldn't hold it in any longer, he finally let out his sobs again and cried into Zac's shoulder. Zac sighed as he tried to console him. Suddenly, Taylor jerked away from him and turned towards the bedroom.
"Tay?" Zac called. Taylor didn't answer, he just walked into the room, locking the door behind him. Zac looked around awkwardly and then decided the best thing for him to do was leave.

Taylor crawled onto the bed and laid down on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow, crying into it. He eventually fell asleep.

The next morning, Taylor didn't wake up until around twelve. He got up reluctantly and headed to the living area to grab himself something to drink from the mini-fridge. Just as he opened the top of his water bottle, a knock came at the door. Taylor sighed and grabbed a t-shirt, slipping it on and opened the door a crack. With a low growl, he threw the door open to reveal three young girls, standing outside his door. They turned and looked at him with frightened expressions.
"Hi! You're Taylor!" One girl squealed.
"No shit!" Taylor said under his breath.
"What was that?" Another girl asked.
"Can you three read, the sign says 'do not disturb'!" Taylor said angrily and began to grit his teeth.
"Uh…uh…can we have your autograph?" The third asked, apparently not comprehending he didn't want to be bothered.
"Did you not hear me or something! You want to bug someone, my brother's are down the hall!" Taylor yelled and with that, slammed the door in their faces. Before he could even take a step, he could hear the three of them balling uncontrollably.
"Doesn't anyone get a fuckin' clue!" He yelled.

A couple minutes later, Taylor was sitting on the couch, watching television when a knock came at the door.
"Can't you people just leave me the hell alone!" He grumbled. He opened the door a crack to see his brothers staring back coldly. Taylor didn't even have a chance before Ike pushed the door open and walked inside.
"What were you thinking!" Ike yelled.
"Excuse me!" Taylor said in defense.
"Those three girls came to our room, crying, saying you were very mean to them."
"So! They apparently can't read because I had a sign o my door that said…"
"Never mind that Taylor! You know, when you first met Phyllis, you changed back you your old self. A person that was fun to be around and we could actually talk to but ever since the accident…" Ike began to yell. Zac stood there silently.
"LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS!" Taylor screamed.
"Taylor…" Zac finally spoke up. Taylor turned his attention to his younger brother and stared at him, squinting angrily.
"We understand your upset, we don't blame you but you have to try and…"
"I don't have to do anything! Get out NOW!" He yelled. He walked to the door and opened it.
"Please Taylor…" Zac began to plead.
"Please…just leave me alone."
"We know how you feel…" Zac said and attempted to put his hand on his shoulder. Taylor jerked away.
"You have NO idea how I feel." He said, seething.
"Now get out!" He demanded.

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