To Look Within My Soul

Chapter 32 - You Are Apart Of Me My Son

Jason looked down at his son as he slept peacefully in the basinet in the nursery thinking it was the most precious sight in the world. The nurses watched as he gently picked him up into his hands and then sat down on a rocking chair gazing down on the tiny sweet face. Tears filled his eyes as he shifted the baby so he laid in his right arm. Tenderly he drew back the blanket and slipped his huge finger into his son’s tiny hand, which grasped his finger softly. Jason smiled with tears filling up his eyes. He couldn’t believe how tiny he was. This was a new life that he held in his arms and now he was responsible for everything that he would be in his life. He was awed that this tiny child came from him and his love for Alice. He rocked a little and saw his blue eyes look up at him contently.
“Hi little guy. I’m your daddy.” Jason whispered with emotion cracking in his voice. He saw the baby smack his little lips and made a gurgling sound, which made him smile.
“I love you.” Jason murmured and then felt his body totally relax feeling the fatigue finally overcome him. He rocked some more when his mind drifted to the day when he first held his little Davy in his arms. Tears dripped down his cheeks at the memory.
“I promise I will always be there for you. I will protect you and nothing will ever happen to you.” Jason rasped with his voice cracking feeling the love he had for his first son. Some guilt rose up into his soul thinking of the last time he held the lifeless body of Davy in his arms.

"Where? Where is the way out!?" He cried out loud.
He went for the back door. He could see that the flames didn't reach that point yet. Suddenly he heard wood cracking, and he ran. The ceiling crashed down hitting him in the back and knocking him to the floor as searing pain shot through his head and he saw colors before his eyes.
"Noooo....can't faint, can't faint........have to get out!" He screamed in his mind and with all the strength he could muster, he lifted himself, still holding Mary and making sure the baby was still there, he got up. Pain was eating at his left side of his face. He could barely see as he stumbled for the door. A bolt of fresh air hit him as he sucked in a breath deeply. Finally he got outside and with the adrenaline still flowing through his body he rushed around the house to the car. He collasped near the car while he coughed violently. He sat up and pulled Mary on his lap to check how bad she was. The baby suddenly rolled out onto the ground.
"David.......oh my God, David!" He screamed desperately.
He lifted the little body up and could see he was dead. Agony welled up in his soul as he screamed rocking his head back. "Noooooooooooo!"

His eyes drooped when he fell asleep with the nurses noticing that he had the baby well balanced in the crook of his arm.
“Do you think we should put the baby back into the basinet?” One of the nurses asked looking at the huge man sleeping in the rocking chair.
“No… just leave him with the child. He will be just fine.” Another nurse stated smiling at the sight.

A mist rose around him as he held his newborn son in his arms feeling a warmth surround him. He could feel a sense of love all around him. He could see a soft white light in the distance coming toward him and wondered what it was as he kept his eyes on the light. For some reason he wasn’t afraid when suddenly the light was forming into something solid. He smiled when he saw his precious Mary holding the infant David in her arms.
“My Mary…” Jason whispered feeling a sense of peacefulness fill him.
“Jason? Don’t feel guilty anymore. You have a new life to take care of now. You will do just fine.” Mary smiled looking at him lovingly.
“I’m so sorry that I couldn’t save you on that day.” Jason rasped when she approached even closer.
“Don’t blame yourself. We are happy and safe. Davy will always be with me. You must go on and be there for Alice and your new son. Know that David and I will always love you. He is beautiful.” Mary gently voiced smiling down at the baby in Jason’s arms.
“Yes… he is.” Jason smiled and lovingly looked at him and then at Davy who looked up at him and smiled.
“Alice needs you now. Goodbye Jason and we will see each other again. Go and live your life without no guilt knowing that our love will always be with you.” Mary said and then Jason saw her fade into the distance.
“Mary? Don’t go. Mary?” Jason called out.

He jerked awake when a nurse was taking the boy from his arms.
“Doctor Monroe? I’m sorry I woke you.” The nurse apologized seeing his eyes looking around fearfully.
“No… that’s okay. I was just having a dream. Can I take my son to my wife now?” Jason asked as he stood up and shiver went up his spine remembering the dream. He knew now not to let his guilt feelings ever get in the way of raising his son.
“Sure. She does want to see you and the baby. I will take the baby over to her room.” The nurse smiled as Jason nodded and then bolted down the hallway to Alice’s room.

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