To See Beyond The Surface

Chapter 31 - Taylor's Depression - Continued

Taylor headed for the back of the house trying to avoid anyone from seeing him. He pulled the sliding doors open and rolled his chair out onto the patio near the wall so no one would find him. He just wanted to be alone in his thoughts. He suddenly burst into tears and buried his face into his hands and cried his heart out sinking deeper into his pain.

Sherri was walking through the house when suddenly she thought she heard someone crying. She slowly crept up near the open patio doors and peaked out noticing Taylor was sobbing desperately. She swallowed hard and started to walk toward him. She stopped on the side of him feeling her heart was going to break seeing him so sad. Tears filled her eyes as she watched him.
"Tay...Taylor are you okay?" Sherri asked gently almost whispering the words.
He suddenly turned his head and jumped at the sound of her voice. He stared up at her with tears still flowing down his face. He turned a shade of red feeling embarrassed that Sherri caught him crying like a baby.
"Sherri? Please go away! I'm alright! Just go away!" Taylor begged blinking rapidly up at her.
"But Taylor you're not alright. I am here for you if you want to talk about it." Sherri said kindly casting her eyes down to the floor of the patio.
"NO! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY NOW!" Taylor screamed angrily as he noticed he made Sherri jump back in fear from his sudden burst of anger. Her eyes filled with tears and a look of hurt covered her face as the words bit at her heart.
"Okay. I...I am sorry." Sherri mumbled tearfully turning around to head for the door bowing her head feeling bad that she made Taylor yell at her.
"WAIT! Sherri? I'm sorry! Please come back!" Taylor pleaded desperately feeling horrible for yelling at her. She turned around and slowly approached him still feeling a little fearful. He reached out his hand and grabbed her's and pulled her down in front of him. He looked at her with tearful eyes. She gently placed her hand on his knee.
"What is it Taylor? What's wrong?"
"Everything is wrong! I...I just had a fight with your mother. I can't go on with the pain anymore! Why? Why Sherri?" Taylor asked as the tears overflowed again and he let out a desperate sob.
Sherri suddenly leaned in toward Taylor still on her knees and hugged him against her. He desperately hugged her back. He needed someone to feel close to at the moment. He held her tight to him and sobbed pitifully into her shoulder as he started to rock his body. Sherri just held on thinking it was the only thing she could do right now. Tears spilled down her face feeling very sorry for Taylor.
Finally he let go of Sherri and gently pulled her back staring into her gentle sad eyes that were filled with tears.
"Oh God! I don't want to make you cry too. I am letting everyone down." Taylor moaned biting his bottom lip trying to hold back his emotions.
"What do you mean letting everyone down? Taylor? Everyone loves you!" Sherri stated matter of factly.
"I won't walk again. I will be in this wheelchair forever! I know now how Jason felt! I feel like a freak!" Taylor cried out desperately.
"Taylor don't say that! Please... know no matter what you look like everyone will always love you. We all need you in our lives and everyone cares about you. You can't give up hope Taylor. I won't! Your family won't! You have to believe in yourself. You can get through this." Sherri exclaimed holding onto Taylor's arms trying to make him know how everyone felt about him. He sadly bent his head down not wanting to look into her eyes.
"Taylor? Look at me! You are a special person! Your singing and music brought so much joy into my life and so many others out there. If I could only give you something back I would!" Sherri rasped in a shaking voice wishing she could take his pain away that he felt inside.
"I...I " Taylor couldn't speak as another wave of sadness filled him.

Just at that moment Alice was standing at the doorway watching her daughter trying to comfort Taylor. She heard the whole conversation. Sadness filled up her heart as she still listened in.

"Please hold me Sherri! Please?!" Taylor begged looking into Sherri's sad desperate eyes.
She once again held him in her arms and he cried softly upon her shoulder. They rocked back and forth staying silent for a moment as Sherri realized he needed someone to hold onto in his pain.
"I want Jason! Why did he leave me? Why did he just walk away? I need him so bad! Why doesn't he understand how much he means to me? He saved me from dying that day! I love him! I love him so much!" Taylor cried squeezing his eyes shut tightly as he moaned softly.
"I don't know. I don't know Taylor." Sherri crooned in a soothing voice still rocking him gently. She could feel the wetness of his tears soaking through her shirt.
Taylor felt tired and drained. And the rocking motion was making him sleepy. Sherri felt his body relax against hers as he was falling asleep in her arms.

Alice noticed this too and quietly walked up to Sherri who looked up and saw her mother whose eyes were filled with tears. She put her finger to her lips signaling Sherri not to wake him up. She nodded her head feeling Taylor's weight against her.
"I am going to get Mr. Hanson." She whispered to Sherri.
Sherri nodded her head but Taylor's weight was getting hard for her to hold up and she was in a awkward position.
"Can you hold him up a little longer Sherri?"
"Yeah I think so." Sherri whispered back.
A few minutes later Walker and Ike and her mother came through the door. Walker and Ike gently pushed Taylor upright as Sherri slid out from under him and stood up watching Mr. Hanson gently lift Taylor and carried him into the house sadly.
"Are you okay Sherri?" Ike asked noticing the sad expression that covered her face.
"Yeah I... I am. I am just so worried about Taylor." Sherri groaned as tears filled her eyes. Alice grabbed Sherri and hugged her petting her hair gently as Sherri began to cry.
"He'll be alright. Don't worry Sherri." Alice cooed trying to comfort her daughter.
Ike sadly looked at them as he walked into the house and hurried down the hall to their bedroom. When he entered the room his Dad was covering up his brother.
"Dad is he okay?"
"He is very depressed Ike. I don't know why he fell into this depression and I don't know how to help him."
"I know why!"
Walker and Ike spun around as they heard Alice's voice behind them. Walker stood up and he gently led Ike out of the room with him, wanting to talk to Alice. He closed the door as quietly as he could so he wouldn't disturb Taylor. He motioned for them to follow him to the living room.
"Ike? I want you to get everyone to come to the living room except for the little ones. We are going to have a family meeting."
"Sure Dad." Ike said leaving the room.

A few minutes later Diana, Sherri, Zac, and Ike came into the living room looking at Walker curiously as they found a place to sit.
"Alice, why is Tay so depressed?" Walker asked her curiously, wanting to know what she had to say.
"He needs Jason. When Sherri was comforting him outside before he said he wanted him, needed him. And earlier when Taylor and I had a argument he stated that Jason abandoned him when he needed him the most."
"He fought with you?" Diana asked sadly.
"Yes. Taylor is giving up hope. He said he won't ever walk again. I tried to tell him that it wasn't true. He is one sad, depressed young man right now. We can't let him give up hope and I think the only way to give it back to him, is to get Jason to come here. He needs someone who can really understand how he is feeling right now and Jason is the only one that truly would understand." Alice explained sadly.
"But we can't even find him! How are we going to get in contact with him?" Walker asked searching Alice's face for an answer.
"Well... ever since I came here I have been writing to Jason about Taylor's progress." Alice confessed, blushing slightly, feeling all eyes burning into her at once.
"What? How?" Ike asked feeling suddenly angry at Alice from keeping this secret from them.
"Please don't get angry with me. Jason made me promise that I wouldn't tell anyone. He loves that kid very much! I know it was probably wrong to keep this from you, especially Taylor."
"You're right about THAT!" Zac bellowed loudly, feeling the anger knot up his stomach.
"I'm sorry guys! Really I am. I didn't know that Taylor was going to get so depressed." Alice implored sadly, as she swallowed hard, hoping they wouldn't hate her for this.
"How could you KEEP that from us!?" Ike yelled.
"Now everyone calm down here!" Walker sternly shouted knowing his sons were hurt by this information.
"I...I want to get Jason to come here. I am going to write him tonight all about the situation." Alice said gazing at everyone nervously.
"Do that Alice. But the question is... will he come? He wouldn't even stay to be with Taylor." Walker said.
"He had a lot of soul searching to do and I think Jason is ready to meet the world again. His last letter he wrote to me indicated that. He stated he understood why he hid from the world. He said Taylor made him realize that he deserved to be loved again. He blamed the deaths of his wife and child onto himself and that was the real reason why he hid from the world. He said Taylor started the healing inside him and now I think it is his turn to that for Taylor."
"That's sad. I..I didn't know. I'm sorry Alice. It must have been very hard for you not to tell us or Taylor." Ike admitted looking over at Alice who gave him a weak smile.
"I wanted to tell you, but I had to keep my promise. Please don't tell him that I told you. He will never trust me again." Alice pleaded tearfully.
Walker gently hugged Alice thankfully.
"Don't worry... we won't say anything. Just write to him and beg him if you have too! I want my son back again!" Walker declared as his voice shook from sadness.
"I will go write him a letter right now." Alice said as she quickly walked out of the room.

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