Chapter 9 - Cristina

Kid Rock drags Dorothy before the evil witch.
"Herrrrrrrreeeeeeesssssss Dorothy," he says in true *Tonight Show* fashion. Christina rises from her throne and slowly slinks down the dais.
"Not so brave now my little pretty; without Glenda to protect you. I tried to be nice about this, but you leave me no choice. Bring her!" And Cristina storms off down the hallway.
Kid and Dorothy along with three guards follow. They enter a large room and Kid ties Dorothy's hands to the head of a bed and goes over to help the witch with her preparations. Cristina takes a small cauldron and sets it on her George Foreman grill.

[A pop up in the lower screen appears with George Foreman. He speaks, " Hi friends, as you can see our lovely hostess just demonstrated just how versatile my grill can be. Its prefect for grilling steaks, hamburgers and when the top is removed it makes a great place for simmering small cauldrons. Got to love those small cauldrons. So be sure to call the number at the bottom of the screen for our special low price and say the wicked witch sent you for a special discount."]

She pours in various concoctions, handed to her by Kid Rock.
She begins to chant. " ohhhmmmm meee ooohhh meeee mmmeee wannntt thaaaa shoooeseeeramma lamma da mamma jammabing bang and da badda boom!"
A puff of smoke rises form the cauldron. She slowly pours out the contents, red glittering sand, into a hour glass.
She cackles, "Now my sweet Dorothy, when this sand runs out you will simply fall asleep...forever." She turns to Kid, "You did good, why don't you enjoy yourself."
She leaves the room laughing evilly; leaving Dorothy alone with Kid.

[fade to black]

Scarecrow, Lion, Tinman, and Scrappy have climbed on the roof of a nearby building and look down at the entrance to the evil witches lair. Guards patrol regularly, the fence is electrified. They look to each other.
"I think I left the stove on guys." Lion says and starts to turn only to have the Scarecrow grab his mane and pull him back down.
"I say we charge the gates!" says Tinman.
Scarecrow gives him an irritated look, "Are you full of chips?! They would pulverize us." Scarecrow looks over and surveys the scene, his gaze settles on the uplink satellite dish and he grins. "Quick Tinman, let me at your laptop."
Tinman opens his chest plate and Scarecrow starts typing furiously. Soon he stops and with a satisfied grin and final click of the *return* key. As they turn their gaze back to the building, suddenly sparks start flying from the satellite dish and the lights flicker; guards start running around trying to figure out what is wrong.
"Wow! That was some virus you used." Lion says.
Scarecrow responds, "Nah, no virus, I just dished Hanson on Hansonline and Hanson.net using her address. Everyone knows, you don't dish Hanson on the net. Their fans mass e-bombed her and overloaded her servers. We don't have a lot of time, let's go."
They sneak down towards the building.
"We need disguises," Scarecrow observes.
Tinman motions towards a spot where three guards are patrolling. As they go behind a large trash receptacle, there are the sounds of a muffled struggle and a few moments later the guys appear wearing the armor of the guard.

[The armor doesn't fit and they look totally out of place]

They make their way into the building and travel down a hallway and come to an intersection.
"Looks like we got to split up guys, there is just too much area to cover." Scarecrow says.
Lion replies, "Ummm how about I wait outside?"
Tinman points his axe down the left corridor, "You go that way Lion."
The three split up with Scrappy following the Scarecrow.

In the mean time, Kid Rock has changed into a set of black silk, embroidered pajamas and wearing a satin tiger print smoking jacket. He pours himself a glass of wine and eases himself on the bed next to Dorothy.
"Don't worry doll face, I will make your last few minutes pleasurable." He snickers as he gulps down the wine, snickers to himself, then reaches over and removes Dorothy's gag. Being totally bound she does the only thing a damsel in distress can do...lets out an ear piercing scream!

Tinman turns in response to the scream and heads in the direction he thinks it came from. At the next intersection he is joined by The Scarecrow and Scrappy. They run down the corridor and come to a intersection.
"Which way?" Tinman asks. They look to the right and see a hallway much like the one they are in. They look left and see various overturned tables, smashed lamps and a couple of guards lying unconscious.
"Ummmm this way!" Scarecrow replies. "Glad I don't have to clean up this mess."
Tinman gives the Scarecrow a whimsical look, "Yea Riiiiiight." He speaks with dripping sarcasm.

Kid Rock gulps the last of his wine and set the glass on the nightstand, when suddenly the door comes crashing in. The Lion steps over the ruined door, growling menacingly. Kid jumps to his feet only to be caught by the throat by the Lion and pulled up. Kid sputters and coughs trying to speak as the Lion raises his other hand and the claws spring out. He reaches using only the claws to take off Kid's sunglasses then snips the frames into. Lion roars, gnashing his teeth and stares down at the helpless Kid. The Lion stops, sniffs the air and looks down at Kid. Kid looks down at his waist and shrugs his shoulders. Lion tosses Kid over in the corner, where kid grabs a towel trying to cover himself. Scarecrow and Tin man enter the room cutting off Kid's escape as the Lion is cutting Dorothy free.
"Ok guys, you got me, but you can either keep me, or save Dorothy." They see they have no choice and Kid tells them, "Go to the throne room and break the hour glass before the sand runs out."
He then takes off running down the hall in the opposite direction.

Quickly the group heads to the throne room, with Dorothy leaning heavily on the Scarecrow. As they enter they see the large dais on which sits her throne. Around the room are poster and clips of Christina. Her videos play on the projection TV across from the throne. There are several statues carved in her likeness in various poses and the only other person in the room is a cleaning lady. She sees the group as they enter, drops her mop by her cart , and runs out the opposite hallway. Scarecrow spots the hourglass on a small podium near the throne and motions to Tinman. Tinman takes the steps two at a time as the sand is running out quickly and Dorothy is getting weaker. He raises his axe and smashes the hourglass, sending the magical sand all over the podium and throne. Dorothy immediately brightens and gives Scarecrow a hug.
Tinman growls under his breath, "Sure I do the work, he gets the credit."
She grins and hugs each in turn. Dorothy spots the object of their quest on the mantle. She scoops up the golden statue and they all turn to leave. Guards appear in the doorway! The group turns to the other hallway only to be met by more guards and Cristina!
"You dare to think you can just waltz in here and take my statue?! When I get done with you there won't be enuff left to stuff in a cd case!"
As she approaches the group Scarecrow reaches for a nearby fire hose. He quickly turns it on and douses Christina. Cristina looks at the group who have started to congratulate each other.
"Did You really think I hadn't seen the other shows?" Dorothy and the guys turn back to see the witch unaffected by the water.
Christina Laughs menacingly, "Well the water didn't effect me but look at my poor clothes." And as they look the guards start to gasp. The witches clothes are starting to dissolve, and what isn't dissolving is shrinking. Dorothy looks to the guys for help but sees the are totally enraptured by her disappearing wardrobe as are the witch's own guards.
As the testosterone level reaches critical levels Dorothy thinks to herself, "Look at that filthy, trashy, low down...wonder if they come in my size..." She hears some sighs coming from the guys. "Oh for Pete's sake! They even drool in three part harmony. What can I do against that kind of filth?"
Suddenly Dorothy gets and idea. She dives for the cleaning cart and reaches for a small white bottle. Quickly she opens the top and a swirling white tornado appears. It spins for a moment and Mr. Clean appears! The smell of ammonia is so overpowering it snaps the guys back to reality.
Tinman looks and says, "Hey!... Genie in a bottle!"
Scarecrow adds, "And she rubbed it the right way!"
Mr. Clean waves his hand and a army of scrubbing bubbles the size of Scrappy appear. Cristina and the guards turn to run. The scrubbing bubbles and Mr. Clean attack. One guard is covered by Mr. Clean's tornado, the guard screams and after it passes, the guard is sitting there with a slide rule and starts spouting Geometry proofs. The scrubbing bubbles swarm over two guards leaving them transformed into stock brokers. Another gets giggly looking over his new chemistry book. Down the hallway Christina screams. Dorothy and the guys looks at each other with wondering eyes. Shortly a girl comes skipping down the hall. She is dressed in a plaid skirt and white turtleneck.
"Oh hi, I'm Cristy and I am selling magazines for my horticulture club at school, wanna buy some, pretty please? Then you can come and listen to my oboe recital! Doesn't that sound just peachy?" She skips out of the room, leaving the guys and Dorothy a bit uneasy. The smell of ammonia permeates the air as Mr. Clean returns.
Scare crow looks at Dorothy and worries, "You do have control.....Don't you?"
Dorothy with a frightened look on her face shrugs her shoulders. Everywhere Mr. Clean and the bubbles have been is sparking clean, sanitized and pristine. He floats toward Dorothy and looks her over.
Dorothy gulps and quickly says, "I was a Mouseketeer!"
Mr. Clean looks her up and down and thinks that answer is clean enough and he turns his attention to the guys. The guys look panic stricken as the genie moves toward them.
They quickly blurt out in quick succession, "We eat our vegetables... Our mom still keeps us under a curfew... We write our own music and can't dance!!... AND we don't have girlfriends!"
Finally Mr. Clean is satisfied. He does his trademark wink at the group and returns to his bottle. The guys let out a long sigh of relief leaning heavily on each other.

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