Taylor walked as quietly as possible into the house, trying not to wake anyone. He made his way to the living room, stumbled over his feet and fell face first onto the couch. He was surprised that there was a body underneath him.
“Oh Phyl, yo didn’ have ta wait u for me! Hic!”
“Get the bloody fuck off me! My god you smell AWFULL! Get off! PHYLLIS!!! GET YOUR BOYFRIEND OFF OF ME!!!” Amanda screamed, beating Taylor's shoulders.
“Awe come un Phylus, you don’ wanna yell a Tay Tay, do yo?”
A light flicked on at the top of the stairs and Phyllis stretched tiredly. She was dressed in a white t-shirt, black shorts, and a long heavy black bathrobe. She put her glasses back on after rubbing her eyes and looked down the stairs at where she believed Amanda to be.
“What the HELL!” she shouted, seeing Taylor on top of her friend, attempting to kiss her. “TAYLOR!!”
He looked back up to the top of the stairs, and saw Phyllis. He looked back at Amanda, then Phyllis… Amanda… Phyllis…. Amanda… Phyllis…
“Hiya Phylus!” he giggled, hiccuping a bit more. “Come un, let’s go ta bed!”
”You’re roaring DRUNK TAYLOR!! MY GOD!! What did you do, drink the bastard of a bartender out of house and home!?”
”No, just had a HIC few p Rhick me uppers! Let’s dancey Phyl!”
“No, we’re going to sober you up a bit, then maybe you can dance…” Phyllis said sarcastically.
Amanda stood up and ran to the kitchen.
“I’ll make the coffee, you sit him down. We’ve gotta get lotsa starches, like bread and such, into his system to soak up the alcohol. Get him into YOUR bathroom in case he gets sick!”
”I’ll need some help, he’s just passed out!”
”Damn! Okay, let’s go.”
Amanda walked back in and looped her left arm under Taylors right arm pit, and the left behind his right knee. She counted to three and with an almost unsavalble stumble she picked him up.
“If you’re going to attempt to carry him up the stairs like that, I’m calling an ambulance, not to mention your chiropractor!”
“Don’t worry about it. He weighs less than Shawn, so this is like lifting a two by four.”
”And why would you know about lifting Shawny boo like that?”
”Because of my parents new years party, remember?”
”Oh, yeah… I think we all were a bit tipsy at that one. Freaking 10 hours of alcohol, what a wonderful way to spend the evening…”
”I thought so too. Come on, we’ve gotta get him out of his wet clothes.”
”Why are his clothes wet?”
”His body’s trying to sweat the alcohol out. Just get him a new pair of boxers and a bathrobe or something. You can dress him, I don’t want to be near him if he blows.”
”Yeah, as in ‘blows chunks?’”
”Oh… well, while I change him, my god that sounds really corny, I want you to call Ike and get his sorry little ass over here, will ya?”
Amanda walked into Phyllis’ bedroom and picked up the phone. She dialed Ike and Candy’s number, and let it ring. Candy’s tired voice answered.
”Hey Candy, it’s Amanda… we have a bit of a problem over here… Taylor’s home.”
”Good, now can I go back to sleep…? And how’s that a problem?”
”He’s drunk, and just passed out. We want Ike here when he wakes up, for fear he starts to throw up. We all know boys will be boys and don’t like it when girls see them at their weakest…”
”I’ll wake him, hold on….(sounds like she’s whispering, but she’s really put the phone down) Ike, get up, you’ve gotta go to Tays. He’s drunk and-“
”Then let the boy spew his bloody brains out! I’m tired, and I’m sleeping. If you want me, leave a message and I’ll get back to you in the morning!!(snoring)”
“Uh… Manda… he’s not getting up…”
”So I heard…”
”I’ll wake Holly and we’ll be right over.”
The next morning, the four exhausted girls woke up to the sound of the toilet flushing. Holly sat up and looked up at the bathroom door from her place at the bottom of the stairs. Taylor walked out.
“Morning…” he said groggily. “man, I feel like I’ve just been run over by a fuckin’ truck… and why was I sleeping in the bathroom, and why am I dressed in a pair of scooby doo boxers? And- OH SHIT!!”
He ran back into the bathroom, and now that all the girls were up, they could hear the sound of a man praying to the porcelain goddess. Phyllis shook her head, and Candy walked into the kitchen. Amanda flopped back on the now empty couch and Holly just stayed where she was.
“I’m making coffee, who wants some?” Candy asked from the kitchen.
“ME!” the other three, as well as a mans voice, shouted.
Candy looked over at the back door, and there stood Ike, all decked out in a raincoat, with rubber boots, and rubber gloves, and the little hat with protective face mask. He smiled and patted Candy’s shoulder as he walked into the living room.
“So, where’s Tay?”
”Where the HELL DO YOU THINK I AM YOU MORON!!?? I’M HURLING MY INSIDES OUT!!”
”Well, I guess that answers that!”
Ike ran up the stairs, and into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
“Here I am to save the day! Mighty IKE!!” he sang, getting Taylor’s attention.
“Oh god… I think I’m gonna be…-“
Phyllis shook her head, and Holly just chuckled.
“At least Ike’s getting it out of his system.”
”I would rather put up with spewing boyfriend than a spewing boyfriends brother singing in a yellow rainslicker, golashas, and cap!”
“Think of it this way… at least he sings better than Amanda when she’s in the shower…”
“I HeArD tHaT!” Amanda shouted from the downstairs bathroom. “And at least I don’t take FOREVER in the shower AND sing OFF key, OFF pitch, AND OFF CUE!”
“She’s got a point Hol, sorry…” Phyllis laughed.
Holly, who was now sitting on the couch Amanda had once occuppied, threw a pillow at Phyllis and attempted to chase her around the house.
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