He knew they were discussing him, studying him, judging him in their minds like they had so often the past few hours; and he feared that maybe, just maybe, he was making the biggest mistake of his life. Gazing solemnly at the luggage carriage, Taylor drew in a shaky breath, wishing that his brothers would end their isolated conversation.

"What the hell is wrong with me? Why God, why are you DOING THIS TO ME?" Lifting his head heavenward, Taylor blinked back tears, running a hand slowly across his face and coughing painfully. Glancing back over at his brothers, he met Zac’s eyes for a fleeting moment before both turned away, but in that time he saw betrayal, so strong it hurt him physically.

"I’m killing him," Taylor whispered, the haunting truth weakening his knees, "I’m killing everything between us, and…and I don’t know how to stop." Leaning against a support beam, he shivered, wrapping his sweatshirt around him tighter. "Why can’t I tell them, they’re my own brothers, they trust me to spill my guts, and I’m killing them. God, why can’t I believe in them? Why can’t I fucking believe in myself."

Suddenly tired, Taylor felt his eyelids grow heavy as he stood with his cheek to the cool metal post, reality letting way to the frightening subconscious world that he so hated, for he no longer found peace in dreams.

Confusion staring back at him, confusion so pain-filled that it chilled him to the bone, and he had to look away. "Ike…Ike, he’s scaring me, he looks so…so out of it."

"Zac, he obviously wants to be alone and think for a while, otherwise he’d be over here with us. So will you stop pestering him? God, I don’t blame him for wanting some peace."

"Do you not care about him Ike? Do you not love him? He could be DYING and you wouldn’t give one fuck about him!" Nostrils flaring, Zac glared at Isaac, his brother swallowing hard as he involuntarily backed up a few steps. Raising his hand, Zac fought desperately to regain control, at that point in time wanting so much to just haul off and punch his brother that it scared him. Lowering his arm, Zac slowly sat down in the middle of the baggage claim, tucking his knees to his chest.

"How…how can you say that Zac? How can you say that to me? You know I care…"

"Ike…I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, I just wish you’d listen to me for a change instead of walking around acting like God almighty!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" Grasping Zac’s collar, Isaac yanked him to his feet, eyes blazing. "Maybe you should watch what you say and keep your mouth shut if you don’t mean it!"

"You never listen to me! You always have the last say in everything! Why won’t you listen to me for a change? You’re not as smart as you think you are, Ike!"

"Forget it! All you wanna do is pressure him, he ain’t gonna tell you that way, and you know it! You just don’t wanna admit that you’re wrong!"

"What if I’m right? What if I’m right and by the time you agree with me it’s too late? Then what will we do? It’ll be too fucking late and he’ll be gone!" Breathing hard, Isaac pushed his brother away, running a hand through his sweaty hair timidly.

"I just don’t know what to do anymore, Zac, I just don’t know what…" Feeling a tap on his shoulder, Isaac reeled around quickly, standing face to face with his father.

"Get Tay, our ride’s waiting." Nodding his head at his father’s tired words, Isaac watched him walk away, sighing as he motioned for Zac.

"Ike, he’s asleep, do we hafta wake him up?" Unable to hide a small smile, Zac lightly brushed a strand of hair off Taylor’s face, happy to see his brother peaceful for once.

"Fine, fine, I’ll carry him, God." Giving in to Zac’s pleading look, Isaac gently scooped Taylor into his arms, resting his brother’s head against his shoulder. "Shit, he’s lost weight." Biting his lower lip, Isaac glanced down at the sleeping form, shaking his head. "He’s so weak, Zac, he’s so helpless."

"But why does he keep running away from us, Ike? How can we help him when he doesn’t want us to?" Pushing open the door with his shoulder, Isaac left Zac’s unanswerable question hanging in the air. Shuffling through the parking lot, fresh snow soaking his sneakers, he felt a tear trickling down his cheek, its trail freezing in the frigid autumn air. "Please talk to us, Tay, please, I…I don’t know what I’d do without you," Isaac whispered into Taylor’s ear, a small groan escaping his brother’s lips as he shifted slightly. "I miss you Tay, please come back to me."

Slowly opening his eyes, Taylor moved to stretch, moaning as the sore muscles in his abdomen constricted. Disoriented by his surroundings, he blinked as bright lights shown in his face before continuing on towards their destination and leaving him in the dark. "Hey, you’re awake." The voice coming from above, Taylor noticed for the first time against whom he rested, licking dry lips as his brother stared at him. "I know you can talk, Tay, I wouldn’t mind if you’d at least show some sign that you acknowledge my existence."

Frowning at his Isaac’s sarcastic tone, Taylor opened his mouth to speak, grimacing at the pain in his throat. Motioning for a drink, Taylor patiently waited as his brother dug through his backpack, grabbing the water bottle from his hands. Squeezing the cold liquid into his mouth, he swallowed greedily, refusing to stop even as he choked in his haste. Wiping his mouth, he handed the drink back to Isaac, drawing in a shaky breath. Gazing out the window, Taylor saw nothing save for the double yellow lines below, becoming hypnotized by their pattern.

"Are you gonna talk to me now?" Growling softly, Isaac repeated himself calmly, annoyed by his brother’s lack of response. Waving a hand in front of Taylor’s face, he finally broke the trance, rewarded with Taylor’s infuriated eyes burrowing into his own. Rolling over carefully, tears forming from the agony of the movement, Taylor continued to ignore Isaac, swallowing back a sudden feeling of nausea. Noticing the distress in his brother’s actions, Isaac shifted closer, gently stroking Taylor’s head. "Zac’s worried about you."

The statement striking a nerve, Taylor glanced at the front seat, his younger brother’s face illuminated periodically whenever a lone car chanced to pass them on the desolate road. Sighing, he turned his attention back to Isaac. "Are you?"

Caught off guard by his brother’s choice of words, Isaac angrily replied, "Why would you think I wouldn’t be?" Awaiting an answer, Isaac studied Taylor closer, clenching his fists when he realized he’d already drifted back to sleep. "Fuck Tay, why do you hafta be this way?"

"Zac…Zachary, wake up!" Eyelids fluttering open, Zac blinked, rubbing his eyes so to clear the sleep and allow him to focus properly. "Help me carry the suitcases, try being useful for once." Slowly unbuckling his seatbelt, he glanced at his father’s impatient face, frowning. Climbing out of the car, Zac stumbled through the freshly fallen snow to the trunk, rubbing his arms as the cold air bit into his flesh.

Pulling out each bag, Zac piled them off to his left, glancing around every so often at his new and strange surroundings. Slamming the trunk, he scratched his head, unsure of how to manage carrying everything alone. "Damn Tay, all you’re missing is the kitchen sink." Picking up a light blue duffel, he dropped it quickly, groaning at its weight. "Okay, so I found the sink."

"Shit…Zac!" Lunging at his brother, Isaac shoved him into a snow bank and scooped up his bag, hugging it to his chest as he glared across the way. Shivering, Zac wiped ice from his eyes, his clothes saturated. "Hell, when are you gonna learn to be more careful with my stuff? You could’ve broken my amp!"

Noticing the complete shock on his brother’s face, Zac burst out giggling, forgetting everything for the moment save how to be happy. "Ike…Ike…I doubt this place has indoor plumbing let alone electricity!" Unable to contain himself anymore, Isaac joined in his brother’s laughter, shaking his head all the while.

"Zac…you look…so stupid…"

"Dude not as stupid as you look for dragging an amp up here!"

"But…but last time I left it at home mom used it as a doorstop." Wiping at the tears running down his face, Zac stood, brushing the remaining snow from his pants. Face flush, he fought to catch his breath as he proceeded to drag three suitcases towards the cabin, his thoughts drifting as Isaac continued to babble on about the dangers of using Windex near electrical wiring.

"Fuck…Ike, where’s Tay?" One foot on the first porch step, Zac let the bags slip from his hands, watching them sink beneath the white blanket underfoot. Eyes wide, he awaited Isaac’s answer, prompting him with raised eyebrows.

"Tay ain’t my concern anymore. He thinks I could care less about him, and I’m sick of trying to prove otherwise." Jaw set firmly, Isaac climbed the rest of the stairs, shaking off Zac’s desperate hands.

"Ike…you can’t walk away from him! He loves you…and you know he does! You can’t just close your eyes and wait for him to fix everything. You promised…"

"What I promised him is none of your damn business. Are you oblivious to what goes on around you, Zac? Are you too caught up in what others think of you to notice that maybe things aren’t the same for me? I’ve always been there for him, I’ve seen him laugh, I’ve seen him cry, I’ve held him as he pukes his fucking guts out. And this is the thanks I get, you saying I don’t give a fuck about him, and him believing you."

Head propped up against the door, his jacket serving as a pillow, Taylor lay silent, watching his brother’s outside the opposite window through blurry eyes. He longed to be apart of the family again, he longed to share in their laughter, in their sadness, in their love, but he knew he was becoming no more than a hindrance. A burden to everyone.

Soon after Isaac and Zac disappeared from sight, the outside lamp flicked off, leaving Taylor in complete darkness. As the minutes slowly ticked by, he felt the temperature steadily decreasing, frost forming on the windows. His breath forming clouds the drifted into oblivion, he rolled over, wrapping a tattered blanket tighter around his body. Hanging onto consciousness as long as possible, Taylor murmured a single prayer before the shroud of sleep engulfed him.

"God, if you’re out there, please, don’t let me wake up in the morning."